I’m With Stupid, But I’m All Alone!

A politician’s self-evaluation.

I am a politician. I have learned a few things about myself during my self-evaluation. Here are a FEW things I have learned about myself after thinking about it for a while.

-I vote for bills that I have not read.

-I have my pages and secretaries read my bills for me and translate them to me.

-I do not vote with my beliefs, as I really do not have any of my own.

-I cannot make a decision, cast a vote, or answer any questions about any issue without checking with my party first.

-I vote for all of the pork I can get away with to buy votes.

-I know people will blindly follow me, no matter what I do, because of the D or R following my name at the ballot box.

-I know the average American will never know how I voted on issues.

-I believe America should never fight for ANYTHING unless it ends quickly and no one gets hurt, especially the enemy.

-I believe America is a great country because of our government, not because of great people or freedoms.

-I will vote for anything, in any way necessary, to go along with the party line, no matter what my personal beliefs are.

-I choose my beliefs based on polls.

-I may have voted for something last year, but this year I will be against it, because it is election time and I want those votes.

-I take all of the perks I can.

-I believe a budget shows what money HAS to be spent. If there is a surplus, we will repave a road that does not need it.

-I believe purchases should be made with no logical decision about whether the price is right, as long as one of my constituents gets paid.

-I believe the rights of a few tree frogs are more important than the well being of people.

-I believe if ten people are offended by something then millions of others will have to change their lives to accommodate the wishes of those few.

-I believe it is better for me to spend time on renaming projects than to address more important issues facing America.

-I believe I do not need to show up for votes.

-I believe it is OK to accuse other politicians of wrongdoing in attempt to get a perjury conviction if they do not tell me what I want to hear.

-I believe all people have to be reliant on government so that I can stay in power.

-I believe over 50 percent of the population should not have to pay any taxes. This will allow me to cater to them so that I will never lose power again.

-I believe in Socialism because it will get me more power, especially in schools and healthcare.

-I believe if we have nothing to do while in Congress we should make laws just to act like we accomplished something, no matter how silly the law is.

-I believe if a vote did not go my way then someone cheated, lied, or the machines were wrong, not that I possibly could have been the worse candidate.

-I believe we have to keep the IRS so that I will not lose power.

These are just a few things I have found out about myself and as I said, these are just a FEW of the things I believe in.

I have to see my shrink now.

Oh, you want to know who I am?

I am YOUR politician.

If you are reading this nonsense, you need to be sure to educate yourself about your politicians, as everyone believes their politicians are great and it is the other politicians that are bad. If you have a politician who has been in office for multiple terms you cannot blame the politician anymore, you have to blame the voters who keep putting that politician there. A comfortable politician, who knows they will not get voted out of office, is a very, very bad thing.

2008 will be one of the most important elections of all time. More importantly than anything, please get every informed person you can to get out and vote. Friends, relatives, co-workers, or anyone else. They will tell you that their vote will not count, but you can tell them that their vote will cancel out an ignorant vote of someone else.

Good luck,

Bear Brooks

Author of:

A Jackass at Every Turn! How to Act Like an American When Everyone Around You Will Not!