Chatting Someone Up

Social IssuesRelationship

  • Author Deborah Dixon
  • Published November 27, 2008
  • Word count 909

The idea of chatting someone up can be very daunting, but it needn't be. All it takes to successfully chat someone up is some confidence and practice. Chatting someone up doesn't need to be restricted to a bar or nightclub, it can occur anywhere, often when you aren't expecting it, such as on the bus, train, walking the dog, or even in the supermarket, and these unplanned moments are often the best chatting up moments. The next time you are out shopping or just out for a relaxing walk and see someone you like, take that opportunity to approach them and start a conversation. The more you practice chatting someone up, the more confident you will become and it will become natural to you. This is where the saying "practice makes perfect" is applicable.

Before you approach someone, take a few moments to look for obvious signs that they are single. This can be easier if you are in the supermarket as their shopping may give away clues, such as a ready meal for one. Another clue is to look for a wedding ring. If a wedding ring is absent, then there is a possibility they could be single. Once you decide to approach someone, you need to quickly make a judgement about their mood. If you get the initial impression that you are not welcome, don't waste any time and effort on chatting them up, simply walk away. If the person seems happy to talk to you, continue chatting to them remembering to adjust your tone according to theirs, for example, happy, sad, and quiet. Wherever your location, it is important that you don't waste any time in making your move, otherwise the moment may pass.

Once you have made your approach and said "hello" it is time to begin a conversation. There is no need to have a script prepared for an intellectual conversation, small talk is sufficient. This is the moment where many people panic and resort to using cheesy chat-up lines. Chat-up lines are not usually successful and can end up making you look like a fool, so they are best avoided at all costs. Try to start a conversation with a simple comment such as "you look nice" or "lovely weather today" or even "are you going somewhere special?" or "do you know if it's going to rain this weekend?" It may help to think of things to say in advance and write them down and learn them, so the next time you want to chat someone up you won't have any problems thinking of how to start a conversation.

If you find yourself struggling for things to say, try to talk about something you both have in common at that moment, such as your surroundings. If you are on a train, you could talk about your journey, or if you are in a supermarket you could ask for their opinion on a particular product. As long as you stick to simple small talk, you shouldn't have a problem. It is highly suggested that you avoid discussing serious topics such as politics and religion. Everyone has their own religion and beliefs which may be different to yours and the last thing you want to do is become involved in a heated unintended debate.

Once a discussion is underway, make sure you are being considerate and taking the time to listen to the person you are chatting to. This will show that you are thoughtful and genuinely interested in them. Remember not to get carried away and end up bragging about your personal situation. It is okay to be proud of everything you have achieved and be passionate about your interests, but if you overdo it and end up bragging, you will give the impression of being arrogant and insecure.

If you find yourself struggling while chatting someone up and you become nervous, it is important that the person you are with doesn't realise this, otherwise they may become uncomfortable. Take a deep breath and concentrate on your breathing, using those few moments to gather your thoughts. Try to distract yourself from feeling nervous by keeping the conversation flowing.

It is important to know when to stop chatting someone up and leave the situation. The last thing you want to do is overstay your welcome. Your aim is to end the situation on a high and leave a positive lasting impression on the other person and possibly even leave with a contact number. While chatting to someone you need to read the signs and recognise when the other person is losing interest. Before the situation drags on too long, simply say something such as "I've really enjoyed talking to you, perhaps we could do it again sometime" and ask for their phone number. If they don't wish to give you their phone number, don't be disheartened or cause a scene, simply move on.

Not all chatting up moments will be successful, so it is important not to take it personally. Some people may be married or in a relationship and simply don't wish to chat with you, so all you can do is move on. Try to learn from your chatting up moments and try not to get worked up over unsuccessful ones. You want to leave the situation being calm and mature. The more you chat people up, the more natural it will become to you, so all experience is a benefit to you.

Deborah has been the head copy writer for Completely Free Dating for over 2 years offering help and advice to its members on all aspects of dating. Completely Free Dating is a free online dating service for people living in the UK, with absolutely no charges to any member at any time for any service.

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