Aging, Depression, Suicide & EQ
- Author Susan Dunn
- Published September 12, 2005
- Word count 1,107
There are so many myths about aging. For instance, do you
think, as many do, that “all old people are alike,” and that
nobody changes after about the age of 50?
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Freud’s famous
statement that people couldn’t change after the age of 50
simply isn’t true. At the time he formed his theories, most
people didn’t live past 50, and that of course shaped his
views. He may not have seen a lot of people over 50.
In fact this limited exposure to people in older age groups
continues to confound our understanding. A lot of the
psychological assessments available weren’t normed on enough
people over the age of 60 to make them reliable for
individuals in that age group. It’s all about developmental
stages and you wouldn’t expect “normal” to mean the same
thing for a 75 year old as a 42 year old and more than for a
6 year old and a 12 year old.
Seniors are not alike as individuals or as a group. Surveys
show that the most “contented” people are people aged 60-69,
but at the same time, the highest suicide rates of any age
group occur among individuals 65 and older. 81% of senior
suicides are male and Anglo males are particularly
vulnerable. White males over 65 have the highest suicide
rate, second only to white adolescent males. Suicide rates
are higher for those who are divorced or widowed, and cause
is attributed first to physical ailments, and then to
depression.
The percentage of seniors in the population has risen
steadily from 3% in 1900, to about 12% now. It’s projected
to increase to 21% in the next 30 years. Since most
emotional problems are often presented first to a primary
care physician, as physical problems (headache, backache),
medical schools are hastening to add exposure to geriatric
medicine and psychology in the training of doctors.
Psychology licensing boards are also beginning to require
it.
It’s important to understand that depression manifests
itself in different ways. We usually think of the
“lethargic” depressed person, the one who moves and thinks
slowly, can’t sustain eye contact, talks negatively, is
disinterested or unable to enjoy their usual pleasures, and
wants to sleep all the time. But depressed people can also
be agitated, angry, restless, irritable, eyes darting
around, frantically trying to enjoy things (but not able
to), and not able to sleep much.
In either case, women may talk about the feelings, but men
tend to complain about physical ailments when they see a
doctor.
It’s important to understand that depression isn’t a
“normal” part of aging, and that its treatable. If you
think you’re depressed, or that your loved one is, it’s good
to start with a physical checkup. You should be make a list
of all medications being taken, and also consider the normal
routine. Many seniors, especially those who live alone,
neglect nutrition and exercise.
As I say in my ebook, “EQ and Depression,” you aren’t
supposed to be depressed as you age. You’re supposed to
feel good. Many seniors have a high EQ, are resilient, and
are experienced copers. EQ intends to increase with age,
but not if you don’t work on it. Skills such as flexiblity,
creativity and resilience can be learned, and it pays to
start developing them in early adulthood, as they take time
to learn. Barring physical problems, you can learn to
manage your emotions and the thoughts that accompany, and
cause, them.
We know that isolation is worse on our health than high
blood pressure and obesity combined, and it not being
isolated depends upon your interpersonal skills – your
ability to make new friends and keep the old ones.
Creativity is needed to learn to work around things that
change. It tends to take longer, for instance, to learn new
things as we age, but many seniors are adept at “many ways
to skin a cat.” Likewise there are ways to make the
short-term memory loss less bothersome. Short-term memory
loss is one of the things that does come with aging, but the
vast experience of seniors in coping gives them a vast store
of tricks to pull ou of the bag to help them remember.
As one of my senior coaching clients tells me, “My
short-term memory’s off about 10%, but since it used to be
far above-average, I’m doing fine. Now I just write things
down, like I’ve seen others do for years.”
The ability to creatively meet challenges depends upon
having an optimistic attitude, which also can be learned. I
coach people in learned optimism and emotional intelligence
competencies all the time! If you want to, and are willing
to, you can learn to change self-limiting beliefs, once you
realize they aren’t working for you. It depends upon
correct information (like it’s not “normal” to be depressed
at any age, including old age) and then becoming aware of
your emotions and self-talk, and changing them.
Depression usually responds best to a regime of exercise,
good nutrition including neutraceuticals, medication, and
cognitive work. Coaching can help you move forward, make
goals and stay accountable to them.
We also know that resilient seniors are lifelong learners.
While we don’t make any more brain cells as adults, we can
continue to form new connections throughout the lifespan IF
we learn new things; the more radical the better. This
means if you’re an engineer, take a literature course. If
you’re a Spanish teacher, study some physics. If you’re a
left-brained mathematician, take an EQ course and develop
the other side of your brain. As someone said, “fall in
love with learning and you’ll never end up with a broken
heart”.
Intentionality is a high-order emotional intelligence
competency. Why not intend to be one of those seniors who’s
resilient and contented, who ages gracefully? Look to your
wellness now, whatever age you are, and don’t leave out the
EQ skills. The time to be developing them is now.
Our emotions directly effect our immune sytem, which is our
health. They also effect our ability to get along with, and
enjoy, others and ourselves. Men may particularly want to
address the EQ issue. I know from the statistics, and from
my coaching practice, that a man living alone at the age of
60 or beyond is in a vulnerable position, and while there
are more men at that age than women, the smart women will be
holding out for the healthy, EQ-smart men to bless with the
health-promoting marital state.
Get started now. It’s never too late to learn!
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc .
Susan works with adults of all ages to develop their
emotional intelligence for applications to wellness and
success in relationships and career. She offers individual
coaching, Internet courses and ebooks. She also certifies
EQ coaches in an innovative, no-residency program.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine, and more
information.
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