If you have just experienced a break up you are probably wondering "what steps can I take to get my ex back?" This is a common question that most people would ask following a break up. The initial reaction is to do something immediately to win your ex back. This is fueled by the strong emotional state that you are in because the relationship has ended. You want those negative feelings to go away so you reason the best way to do this is to get back into the relationship. Before you try to jump back in take two steps back and let things settle down a bit.

Most of us would be tempted to call our ex and plead and beg for them to come back. Do you really think this is the most effective way to win your ex back? What message are you sending to your ex by doing this? You are showing them that you are needy, undisciplined, have little self-esteem and lack respect for yourself. You are giving them the upper hand. Acting in this way will likely make your situation worse, not better. It may even drive your ex further away from you.

Although it is difficult what you should do is act in a way that is opposite from what you are feeling. What steps can I take to get my ex back? Three basic steps are outlined here.

1. First you have to accept the break up. It is what it is and if your ex wants to break up there is little you can do to stop it. Let them know that you are OK with the it. This will allow the "moving on" process to begin. Even though you may be the one getting dumped your ex is feeling alot of stress as well. Stating that you are OK with the break up will relieve alot of the stress for both of you. You can now both take the time that you need to analyze the relationship and what you mean to each other.

2. Do not call or contact your ex. Make a clean break. Frequently contacting or calling your ex will not help your situation at all. You need to send your ex the message that you are doing fine. This can't happen if you are calling them all the time. Let them grow to miss you and what you had together. Give them a chance to miss you. Continual contact won't allow that to happen.

3. After you have accepted the break up and taken some quality time apart then you can plan to get together with your ex. Before meeting you should think about when and where you should meet and more importantly what you will say. This will help you keep a clear head and give you a better idea of what your ex is thinking and if they really want to get back together with you.