Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend

Social IssuesRelationship

  • Author Jason Nickol
  • Published January 16, 2009
  • Word count 592

In recent years, more and more women are striking out and attempting to gain information on the signs of a controlling boyfriend. It could be that perhaps you are one of these women, or you are a friend or family member that is concerned about a relationship that someone you know is in. In the past, "bad" relationships were described as those that consisted of physical and sexual abuse, as well as infidelity. In today's world, there are many types of "bad" relationships, and that in which a woman is subjected to the control of her boyfriend is considered to be one of them. In all actuality, relationships that involve some sort of control are among the most common when it comes to "bad" relationships. Here, I will introduce you to the signs of a controlling boyfriend.

It is important to understand that when a boyfriend is controlling, he can wreck havoc on the relationship. If you are the woman who feels as if you may be in a controlling relationship, you may find that there is emotional damage, social damage, and a basic amount of overall psychological damage. The person that you are with may lack self-esteem, or feel as if you are the only thing that they have control over in their lives. They may have even been subjected to the same types of behaviors that they are exhibiting towards you...however; this is no excuse for their behavior, at least not an appropriate one. If you recognize any of the following signs, you may be in a relationship that is unhealthy:

  1. It is relatively common for someone who controls another to become physically abusive. Often, the hurt that they impose on you is done intentionally so that they may feel superior to you. This may include hitting, shoving, or even inappropriate sexual activity and behaviors that you feel uncomfortable with.

  2. In many instances, the individual that controls another will have a heightened sense of attachment to the person that they share a relationship with. In the same respect, the individual may actually detach themselves quickly in certain situations.

  3. Most boyfriends who are controlling will make an attempt to keep you away from friends, family members, and other individuals that you once enjoyed spending time with. They may also have issues with your talking on the phone, being online, or chatting and/or emailing others on the internet.

  4. In many cases, a controlling boyfriend may either make you stay at home and not work, or they will make you do all the work in an effort to support not only yourself, but them as well. This is also considered to be financial abuse, but can be a result of someone who is extremely controlling. They may make you feel as if you may be subjected to some sort of punishment, such as physical abuse, if you do not respond appropriately to what they expect of you as far as work.

  5. There are some cases in which the controlling boyfriend will often blame you for absolutely everything in their life that is going wrong, or is not how it should be - even if there is no possible way that had anything to do with the situation at hand. The blame game is one of the most common signs of a controlling boyfriend.

If you find that you are in this type of relationship, or you recognize one of these signs of a controlling boyfriend, it may be time to find an exit route as far as the relationship is concerned.

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Article comments

Andreas
Andreas · 12 years ago
Being a guy and a Life Coach, my heart goes out to the Ladies that left comments here. If your boyfriend misbehaves on a consistant basis there are two options for him: SHAPE UP or SHIP OUT. It is your duty as a human being to remove yourself from a destructive environment, or work on creating a loving relationship. Help and support is available in your local community, talk to a trusted qualified advisor and do some workshops of How To Create Loving Relationships, that are based on mutual respect and trust. I wish you all the best, but you have to take responibility NOW. Tell him to f#n shape up or ship out, and find yourself a 'nice guy'. Finally I cannot understand the logic of the writer of this article, to give a link at the end: 'How to get your ex-boyfriend back'. That's the last thing I would recommend. I would send you to http://7Witches.com to get a break-up spell ;) if you can't get rid of the sucker,

danielle
danielle · 12 years ago
I have known my boyfriend for nine yrs we were always just kind of aqquantaces last yr around this time we decided to start dating. At first he was really shy. And now its the complete opposite. Right now hes in the bedroom with the tv up super loud cuz hes pissed about me bein on the internet on my phone. Even though his phone is in his hand twenty four seven . I am almost four months pregnant by him. I dont want to be here ne more. But i am scared to do this on my own.

amanda
amanda · 14 years ago
Basically, ive been with my bf for about 7 months now. He holds the intense things hes done for "me" over my head..the only reason i wanted those actions to happen was for his safety. I no longer see my friends whenever i want. He will allow me too recently bc i bitched about it quite a bit, but i must give him time in advance to notify him. I no longer stay at home to just chill out by myself, i dont have me time, or friend time, his idea of me time means me by myself but he can still txt me and ask what im doing. He also bitches about what i wear..either i comply with what he wants ex(me wearing spandex shorts under a skirt) or deal with him being pissy. He holds what i say to a totaly promise. Like if i dont totally stay to it, he says i lied. Ive lied to him twice, small things, one was about who i had txted bc i knew he didnt like him but he checked my phone and saw it. Unlike most controlling boys he doesnt put me down, he puts himself down. I just miss the girl i use to be, confident, strong, outgoing, i miss the random times with my friends. Everything has gone down hill

Christina
Christina · 14 years ago
I have noticed most of these in my fiance. When we first got together he said I didn't have to work. He says it's cause he believes a man should take care of his family. OK . Well then it went to his issues about my friends ( mostly guys ) which OK but now I can't talk to anyone unless it is a female and there are no other guys around. Then he had issues about me being on the internet. He got mad cause I was even on Facebook with only my family on my friends list. He gets mad about the clothes I wear... I am not allowed to talk to my dad. I tried to leave I even went to a different state and he came and got me and our kids. Well one of them are his. He does not want my ex around my daughter cause he wants to do everything for her and he is afraid he will try to get me back which he is already engaged. He makes comments about me having other boyfriends or sleeping around all the time which he says he is joking. I don't know what else to do. I have to keep secrets otherwise he turns it into this huge fight that goes all night long or even days. Any suggestions.