Anyone and everyone will agree that going through a break up is a difficult thing. They don't get easier the more you do them and they are not the same. Each one is painful and troubling in a different way. There are, however, similarities in how they make us feel. The words scared, lonely, sad, depressed, angry and confused exist in accounts of all breakups

Unless there was abuse, there is usually a time when most people would answer yes to the question "do you want to get back with our ex"? And even in the unhealthiest relationships it is completely normal to want to get your ex back. Human beings are not islands and do not want to be alone. In those early lonely days after a break up it is completely normal to remember only the good tie s and want to get back with your ex.

Before we get into how to get back with your ex, please be clear, if you ex ever hurt you physically or was emotionally abusive then you should consider this loneliness your new best friend, get some support from friends and family and take those painful steps to moving on...there is never a good reason to go back to an ex that was abusive.

If your relationship was generally healthy then it probably followed a familiar pattern. It was new and exciting in the beginning, lots of fun, excitement, passion. Neither of you could do any wrong, all of those little annoying habits that you both had didn't matter, and even if they did, you would never say anything about them.

True love is intoxicating in the beginning. The desire to be perfect for your new mate over rides the reality of your regular selves. Then, as time goes by and you get comfortable, the effort it takes to hide your imperfections, and ignore those of your mate becomes too much. You both relax and your true selves rise to the surface. This can be fine for some, but in many relationships this is the beginning of tough times. It is here that the relationship truly gets tested, and it doesn't always pass the test!

Relationships take a great deal of work. If one partner isn't willing to put in the effort, they may want our rather than trying to make it work. Many relationships that end at this point are, in fact fixable. It is just a question of truly knowing that this is where you are in your break up. Things need to be fixed or strengthened yet one of you wants out.

If you believe, despite the fact the your relationship is over it, that it is worth salvaging, even if the other person made it clear that it is over, then you need some answers on how get your ex back. The following four steps will help you figure out if getting back with your ex is on your future.

One - Apologize

Even if you feel like you haven't done anything wrong, a heartfelt apology is a great first step in getting back with your ex. You can apologize for the fact that things didn't work out. In most breakups, both sides have plenty to be sorry for. Take a deep breath and apologize for your half. Being sincere and humble here is critical.

Don't apologize for what your partner did, and don't come across as needy. You are trying to make amends and should act like you are ready to move on. This shows confidence and strength. If your ex isn't ready to accept your apology, a fight could start. Don't get baited into an argument. Your ex might still be very angry and want to bring up all of the bad things. Just calmly repeat your apology and hang up, or go home. Show your ex that you have let it go.

Two - Arrange for a face to face discussion

Once you ex has been able to at least hear your apology and you can talk to each other without fighting or crying you are ready for a face to face. This should happen in a coffee shop or a park, someplace neutral and somewhat public. This will keep you from being in place that reminds you of the hard times and will force you to be on your best behavior since there could be people nearby.

In this conversation you want to be able to discuss the issues of your break up, and what was good about your relationship calmly and openly. You must be ready for this for it to work. Again, you cannot risk getting drawn into a fight. It is imperative that there is no blaming in this conversation. You shouldn't assume blame that isn't yours or blame your ex for anything. It must be objective and rational. If it is going badly, or your ex won't meet at all, then try Step Three.

Three - Give your ex some space

This may seem counter-intuitive to how get your ex back, but space is a great healer. When you can separate from the emotions and all of the drama of your breakup, you can catch your breath and see things more clearly. You have to remember just because you want to talk to them or see them; they might not want to see you. It is crucial to allow your ex some space.

A brief time away from each other, before you try winning them back, will give you both time to cool down. You want all of your thought in order and you want to come across as confident, stable, and changed from the breakup. They need a chance to miss you, to get to the same place you are at. If you are calling all the time or trying to arrange meetings to talk, then your ex will not get the chance to wonder about you and miss you. This is a hard step to follow, but a very successful one.

Four - Show you ex you feel good about yourself

If you appear desperate, clingy, or whiny, you will not succeed in getting back with your ex. Sitting around the house waiting for them to call and then answering the phone every time they do will make you look weak and undesirable. If you keep checking your email every few minutes hoping to get their message, or drive by their work or house every day, not only might you be seen as desperate, but you aren't allowing yourself any time to grow and heal.

These behaviors will actually hurt your chances of getting your ex back. You should hang out with friends, join a book club, go to the gym, volunteer at a homeless shelter or a number of other things. Go to movies, go to concerts, go to the mall, do whatever it takes to reintroduce yourself to society as a healthy person.

Loving your life will make your ex realize how great you are and they will want you back. When they do call, don't answer right away. Wait a bit before you call back. Let your ex wonder what amazing things you are up to, then return the call or email. Let the call go to voice mail then wait until the next day to call them back. You will get back with your ex before you know it!

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