Here is a list of five questions to help you assess whether the particular trait applies to you. The remainder of the article describes the characteristic in more detail and suggest how to overcome the problems.

Answer true or false:

• It's very hard for me to be alone.

• I feel like nothing unless someone loves me.

• It's very difficult for me if my partner or loved one(s) go away.

• I fear I wouldn't be able to make it if something happened to my partner (or loved one).

• I always feel at my best when someone is with me.

Insecurity and over dependency, along with a fear of being abandoned, are common issues for people with anxiety problems, especially those suffering from agoraphobia.

When these traits are pronounced, you may have difficulty making decisions for yourself without a lot of reassurance or advice from others. You do not want to disagree with others close to you for fear of losing their support. You may lack confidence in yourself to take initiative to do things on your own apart from your significant other (s).

Having a close relationship on which you depend may seem vital to your very survival. You fear that if you were to lose that relationship, you could not function or care for yourself.

The roots of insecurity and over dependency are many and varied. Most often they go back to early childhood.

There are four basic approaches:

• Develop self-worth

• Develop assertiveness

• Cultivate spirituality

• Face avoidances and fears

DEVELOP SELF-WORTH:

Overcoming insecurity and over dependency requires that you develop a strong sense of self-worth (self-esteem).

Taking care of your personal needs. If you feel you didn't receive the love and support you needed as a small child, you may need to do some "reparenting" with yourself. By "reparenting," I mean playing the role of a good parent toward yourself.

One way of doing this is to take time out each day to do something special or kind for yourself. In short, you put aside both work and household responsibilities and make time to nurture yourself.

Building a loving relationship with yourself is really not much different from developing a close relationship with someone else; both require some time, energy, and commitment.

DEVELOP A SUPPORT SYSTEM OUTSIDE OF YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY:

People who are insecure or overly dependent often rely exclusively on a partner or other family members to meet all of their emotional needs. They may even define themselves in terms of their relationship with this one person.

This leaves them fearful about being separated from their loved one by time or space. If something were to happen to their special other, they couldn't conceive how their life would go on. They may have problems developing their own autonomous interests, goals, and pursuits because they organize their life around a special loved one.

Does this description even partially fit you? If so, you can reduce your dependency on your immediate family by cultivating a circle of friends, a support system, outside of your family.

Long-term friendships can provide a sense of stability and continuity to your life, no matter what is going on within your immediate family. Also, such friends provide insurance that you would not be left alone if something actually did happen to a close family member.

You can build a support system through church, participation in community organizations, or by attending ongoing support groups for women, men, anxiety sufferers, codependents, addicts, abuse survivors, etc. Ask your local newspaper if they publish a listing of such groups.

DEVELOPING A STRONGER SENSE OF PERSONAL IDENTITY:

If you are overly dependent on someone else or fear being separated from them, you need to work on finding more of a life of your own. You're less likely to be vulnerable to insecurity and fears of abandonment if you´ve developed a strong sense of yourself.

Having some kind of work where you feel useful is an important part of creating your own identity, being a homemaker is an acceptable option here. So is having interests and hobbies that allow you to express your own unique gifts and creativity.

Discovering your own unique mission, the contribution that you can make to the world, however large or small is an important aspect of developing a sense of personal identity. Once you find that mission or purpose, your life will gain a new inspiration and enthusiasm that reduces your dependency on others.

In my blog, please click on the link below, I discuss in a series of 6 articles the personality issues on anxiety. Each article begins with a list of five questions to help you assess whether the particular trait applies to you. The remainder of the section describes the characteristic in more detail and then suggests strategies to help you overcome it.