Some people just seem to have “the gift of gab” making

the notion of small talk, effortless indeed.

Meanwhile, others seem too never know quite what to

say in any given situation, relying on one-word

responses that are conversation killers. When

studying this dilemma, two things come to the

forefront. Why are some people gifted in creating

small talk and putting their conversation partner at

ease while others are painfully inept at this concept?

Also, is this skill and lack of skill, inherent, or is

it a skill that can be cultivated and perfected?

To the second question I respond, “Both.”

For as far back as mankind has been communicating, we

know that the lack of communication or the

inefficiencies in communication have always been

barriers to effective communication. What’s

interesting is, after all of these years, as our

societies have developed we now have more forms of

media with which to convey our thoughts and ideas than

ever before in the history of mankind. However, I

would propose that effective communication has

suffered. Perhaps, we have too much to say today.

But, yet, even in this world of “miscommunication”,

there are those who transcend and are able to

effectively communicate with others. What is their

secret and can it be developed by others, the less

fortunate, the “effective communication” challenged?

We know that the effortless communicators did not

develop their skills while attending mandatory public

schools in the United States. Never before has such

an important concept (i.e. effective communication)

been so neglected in our public education.

Nevertheless, these “more than small talk” makers

consistently excel and develop contacts, network lists

and grow businesses all out of their skills in

effective communication. But, it had nothing to do

with what was learned at school. However, most of the

great communicators had one big thing on their

side—Mama and Daddy. Most effective communicators

grew up understanding that as a people, we are in this

thing together. So, you have to build relationships.

Mama and Daddy did it and junior watched the process

and subliminally absorbed the process. Junior was in

effect, indoctrinated into this process.

So, where does that leave us, the small talk goofs,

whose parents, were more reserved, perhaps even shy

and did not see the benefits in social networking?

Does that mean we have no hope in growing into

effective communicators?

Not at all.

In fact, I’ve listed below 10 ideas and suggestions

for developing your small talk skills:

· Don't bring up the subjects of politics or religion,

unless you're into the melee scene.

· Hit the thesaurus daily. Take a couple of minutes

each day for a month and think of some of the more

mundane :) words you use each day and use the

thesaurus to replace these words in your everyday

language. I'm telling you, the difference between an

average vocabulary and an impressive vocabulary is

only about 50-75 words. Hint: don't go overboard,

you don't want to overwhelm or turn-off your

conversation partner.

· Don't make fun of others. Conversation giants don't

gloat over the gaffes of others, we're not in middle

school anymore.

· Constantly do new things in your life. This can be

something as simple as taking a new route home from

work once a week. What does this do? It gives you a

new perspective on things and it helps build your

creativity.

· Smile. But not too quickly or too much.

Universally, the smile is the number one communication

expression of the human race. It transcends languages

which is a true testament to its’ power and

effectiveness. Used too quickly or too often and it

certainly loses its allure.

· Be positive. Negative small talk or just negative

conversation at any level is a big DRAG!! Negativity

is the quickest way to earn a "poo-poo" reputation.

· Stay away from cliches. I suppose one might be ok

in certain circumstances but cliches are often used

and used and used. Plus, everybody has heard them and

you want to be interesting.

· Keep a journal. How boring you say? The reason why

you would want to keep a journal is to write down

interesting stories and events that have taken place

in your life. Re-visit the journal every couple of

days and you'll be amazed at the stories captured in

the journal. These stories make for great and

effortless small talk.

· Get out and talk to all kinds of people. I realize

that for some shyness may very well be one of the

limiting factors. But you've got to start sometime.

Plus, talking with various people will help you gain a

new perspective on the thoughts and mental processes

of others.

· Build others up. For the love of Pete, don't talk

about yourself ad nauseum. Prod others into talking

about themselves, you'll be surprised at how much

people love doing this and the great thing is, you

just have to listen. And you're a "Giant" in their

eyes.

These are just a few of hundreds of exercises you can

do to develop your conversation skills. Remember,

effective communication and effortless small talk are

both skills that can be developed, honed and sharpened

in order to mold us into excellent communicators.