Make a Relationship Work
- Author Kamen Loze
- Published November 14, 2009
- Word count 637
The best way to deal with it is to take it one day at a time. Work on your relationship as it grows and change your own attitude and way of doing things as the situation asks you to. The perfect relationship is not the one with any arguments, but the one that always find ways to solve issues as they come. Learn about your partner as much as you can so that you can identify things you like about them and things you don't. It is then easier to pinpoint minor issues that you can live with and major ones that need to be sorted out before you can commit further.
But how do we make communication work in a relationship? The key here is to talk freely and listen excellently. Open up your feelings, thoughts, aspirations, hurts and complaints to your partner. And when your partner does the talking, you need to be the excellent listener by not condemning, attacking or lecturing the other. When it is your time to talk, your partner will likewise do the same thing for you. And after each one has heard all that has to be said, work out for a compromise.
If you sacrifice your values and principles in order to be with the one you love then you do not really know how to make a relationship work, even if you have been married for forty years. Too many people feel taken for granted, abused or neglected by their partner but do not speak up for fear of losing the relationship. Consequently resentment builds up and festers for years until they eventually explode because they cannot take it anymore.
Walk confidently. Know what you want. But be flexible. Leave your petty dramas in the dog basket or the cat litter. Try to stay on point (no rambling on about your best friends boyfriend's friend). Do not over analyze. Do smile and laugh. Do say thank you. Do offer to pay once in a while. Do pay if he accepts. Do not accept disrespect. Do expect decency and good manners. Be prepared to open your mind to other pursuits. Try to get along with his friends. But do not become one of the boys. Allow him to make the odd mistake - men are, above all, stupid. Keep him on his toes by living your own life when he is not around.
Communicate. With internet, reaching out to your partner, even at the remotest part of the earth is no longer impossible. Emails and phone calls are great ways to establish intimacy, and can bridge that distance. Also, take the time to write long loving letters to each other to spice up the romance. Share even the most mundane events of the day to make your partner feel that closeness and that he or she is a part of your every day life.
We are all very complex and complicated individuals. If that weren't the case, we wouldn't have need of therapists or counselors. We all need advice and strategies to help us get through tough times but more often than not, we need that advice from someone who can provide an objective view. Having someone close to you offer their advice can make things even worse because he or she may take one side over the other.
If you want your partner to trust you, you should be honest in every way. This does not mean however that you are obliged to tell every detail of what you do during the day. This is just a matter of saying the truthful answers when your partner ask you some questions because making stories or telling lies will not do any good in the relationship. This will just arouse more suspicions and jealousy and thus, bigger conflicts will arise.
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