Four reasons why asking must replace telling and how you can make the change

Every year in America, Christians invest millions of dollars and untold hours in good-hearted attempts to share the gospel and win converts to Christ. But for all the effort and intention, there's little to show for it. In fact, a tide of acrimony is forming against evangelicalism - a label for people who are growingly portrayed as pushy, narrow-minded, and out of step. It can seem that the gospel provides answers to questions that nobody is asking.

How do faithful followers turn the tide and begin reaching this generation with the good news of Jesus? In short, we must learn to be as adapt at asking as we've been at telling.

Here are four reasons why:

Reason #1-Our culture has heard it all

We live in a society drowning in messages and information. There's a real cacophony of noise all around us that makes most messages get lost, ignored or dismissed without consideration. But what few of us hear is our own voice. When you ask me a question, you give me permission to slow down and hear myself - my goals, my values, my disappointments and my dreams.

Try this: The very next time you sense an opening to "share the gospel", first share a question. By asking someone an open ended-question about their life, needs, desires, hurts or dreams, you will give them the precious gift of being heard. At the same time, you will learn volumes about where that person is in their life, and in relation to the gospel message. Now, you have a place from which to pray and befriend

Reason #2-I only believe me

Because our culture is bombarded with competing viewpoints on just about everything (from the best soap to the right religion), we've learned to not trust just about everybody except ourselves. The ironic thing is that the average person rarely listens to himself about important matters. So rather than telling me about truth, faith, and life, we are both better served by asking me questions that get me considering my own thoughts on these matters. Eventually I'll come up with my own questions on these matters - and that's where the real fun begins!

Try this: Focus your questions on the layers beneath a person's opinions and viewpoints. This shows great respect and caring for the individual. Practice intentional and gracious curiosity for understanding how people came to their beliefs and how those beliefs are serving them or falling short.

Reason #3-Asking softens while telling hardens

The world is full of salespeople and politicians who have caused us to develop hardened attitudes toward anyone who tries to penetrate our psyche. For this reason, when you try to convince me of something my first response is to put up a defense. But when you ask me an honest question (not a leading question that softens me for the forthcoming sales pitch), I respond by considering and answering. My attitude softens and I allow myself to engage and be engaged.

Try this: Be continually cleansed of a "sales pitch" evangelism mentality. Cultivate your ability to focus on what attracts people to you. Pay attention to when you are drawing someone in, and practice the heart that is at the essence of that ability. It is in that place that you will call to the heart of another.

Reason #4-Questions move us forward.

The root of "question" is "quest." God has laid it in the heart of every person to know and obey God - it is the ultimate quest for each of us. But telling people to obey God often leads to resistance and disobedience. When we ask questions, we invite people to examine their lives, and this ignites their quest for God afresh. For those who are far from God, the quest can look slow and untamed. But with enough questions, the quest draws to the heart of the issue - our need for God.

Try this: Take the position that your time with this person is the beginning of a relationship, not a "sale". Are you willing to take the quest with them, by being in a caring relationship? And even if it is a one-time, chance encounter, will you drop a seed question that God will see fit to water on another day?

Those who are skilled in the use of questions will help others move forward on the journey of life, which is the journey of faith. I have found coaching to be a great way to hone my asking skills because coaching forces me to ask quality questions that lead to discovery. Plus, coaching keeps the questions from being just navel-gazing exercises because coaching pushes for meaningful action as a result of discovery.