Dear Emily, I am beginning to resent that I fell in love with and married a guy where all of his energy is focused on raising his daughter, fighting his custody legal battle and work. I think that I have for affection and friendship is my dog, and he believes I am weird for letting the dog have that much attention. I am sad. Help! "Janice"

Dear "Janice", Your resentment are understandable, and you arent by yourself. To me it seems like your feelings for your spouse has changed significantly every since you guys decided to become engaged, and that your discontent is growing not tolerable.

I'd love to offer you a couple medicines to your suffering that you could begin to apply soon, and look to see if the results you get are opposite than what you are feeling now.

1. Are you acquainted with the idea that "what you resist will persist"? If you are using a lot of your energy and time to focus on what's wrong in your relationship and what you are unhappy about, it is very possible that you will see more of things that you DONT wish to see; and continue to get the results you are desiring to not see. The cure here is to simply start focusing on what is RIGHT about your relationship. This can be hard to do at first, since you are so heartsick. Something as easy as "He comes to the house each night and sleeps in our bed." Or "He makes sure th at there is enough gas in the car." . . . See if you may begin to notice every way he shows his love to you and his whole family.

2. Create an "attitude of gratitude". Criticizing is not a habit that gets us what we want. When we complain, we point out to the person everything that they are doing wrong and how they are failing as a partner, a spouse. This does not necessarily inspire him to be who you want him to be. As a matter of fact, he will begin to feel so shattered and think that {whatever he does will never be as good as you want it to be and so he will just give up|no matter what he does it won't be good enough, that he'll just stop trying|. Why trouble when the only thing that will happen is that he will be told "not enough,could have been better, too little" . The medicine for criticizing is to start being grateful and openly tell him every way he is showing up. You'll be amazed at the results. It's taking the noticing another step and acknowledging with a heart full of gratitude everything that you see . The more you do this, the more you'll find things to be grateful for - it can be quite magical! And, you may get very creative in the ways that you show your heart full of gratitude. One wife began placing little post-it notes of gratitude everywhere in the house, so he would see them as he did everything he did in the mornings. Another wife left a voice mail message talking about her gratitude to him at his job office. You know the ways he most easily takes in recognition - is it through what he hears, sees, or what's done with him?

3. Examine how you may be adding to the problems you face. In what ways are you behaving that might be keeping him at a distance from you? Are you whining? Are you withdrawn? Are you unreceptive to his advances? Are you jealous? Take stock and notice what patterns you may have that get in the way of you receiving his love and attention. The greatest cure to not receiving everything you want is to begin giving everything you want to somebody you want it from but ALSO to yourself! Stop expecting for him to show up and wonder ways you may start showing up in a different way. And BEGIN awarding yourself what you want. Sounds like you are using the dog to get some of your affection needs met - but you are excluding your spouse. Can you make sure he feels included also? May you give him that affection as well?

One pattern that might be in play between the two of you is something called "Passing the Experience". In the same way that you see him giving every bit of his love to his daughter, he may see you giving all your attention to the dog. Both of you are receiving your needs met with someone/something else, instead of reaching out to your spouse. And chances are there's so much hurt between both of you that reaching out may be a bit too scary or challenging to do on your own!

I am also curious about the age of his daughter, and how you were feeling about life when you were the age that she is. Perhaps if you use a fraction of your time to go back there in your mind, you can get some information into why you are particularly triggered by his devotion to her.