Intimate relationships are built on more than just the physical act of sex or the feeling of being enamored or "in love". Intimate relationships can provide feelings of deep satisfaction and comfort, which can be healthy as long as they don't become obsessive.

Can you be intimate with another person without knowing yourself inside and out? People attempt relationships all the time without truly knowing themselves intimately, but this is one of the reasons relationships can, and do, fail. Invest in the time it takes to realize and know what you like, what you dislike, and what you can tolerate, before entering into a relationship.

Why Should You Understand Yourself First?

No matter what society says, no one can give you what you need to be whole or complete. You must not expect another person to "fill in the gaps" of your personality, your life, or your career in order to make you feel complete. Intimate relationships can bring out the best in people. However, when we are in a relationship with another person, we suddenly realize our likes, dislikes, and tolerance levels more acutely than when we were single.

It's important to understand yourself first before entering into a relationship so you can notice admirable traits in the other person that you don't possess. For example, if you're an extrovert, you may be attracted to an introvert. Or, if you are an impatient person, you may be interested in a person who exhibits a great deal of patience. It's typical to be attracted to a person who has qualities you desire but don’t possess personally.

It's unfair to the other person if you enter into an intimate relationship in a stage of life where you are still discovering who you are as a person or what you expect to be when you "grow up". Many times, one person in the relationship will simply put their likes, dislikes, goals, and even careers on the back burner for the other person because they're not sure of themselves. Although this may sound admirable, a few months into the relationship, it won't be so "cute" anymore and will become a source of contention.

Ask Yourself These Questions

In an effort to get to know yourself better and have an intimate relationship with yourself first and foremost, ask yourself these questions and then answer them as truthfully as possible.

• What one thing did I have or do as a child that I still wish I could enjoy?

• Fill in the blank: I truly disliked doing ________when I was growing up. I am glad as an adult I no longer have to do it (unless I want to).

• What is my life's motto? Think of this as something that everyone would see every time they saw your signature. What would the motto say about you and your personality? Here is a template for coming up with your own life motto.

My name is _____________. I help people __________________________ or

My name is ___________ my purpose in life is to _____________________ or

My name is ___________. I am ________________________________.

• Once you've decided on a motto, recite it to yourself every day.

• A journal is an excellent way to track thoughts and feelings you're having, both positive and negative.