Fathers who are forced into fighting a restraining order after their ex decides to file phony abuse allegations, in order to win a custody battle, often have an uphill struggle to defend themselves. This article is meant to advise you on what steps you need to take in the short term, as well as offering long term strategies that you can use to win the custody battle yourself.

First of all, if you're fighting a restraining order, you will have been informed of an initial temporary one being granted against you by an authorised person. This person, often a police officer or a county sheriff, will have provided paperwork which provides further details for you - it should explain the basic restrictions involved. This temporary restraining order is often called an "ex parte" order because it has been granted in your absence, with only your ex in court. It is highly unlikely that the initial request will be denied, because judges prefer to offer more protection than is needed than make the mistake of not offering enough. This works well in genuine abuse or domestic violence cases, but causes a lot of heartache during phony filings or when a restraining order is used as a divorce maneuver without any basis in truth.

This "ex parte" temporary order is valid until the second court hearing is held, which will be the first and only time you get a chance to argue your own point of view. This second hearing is attended by both parties, and it's a hugely important step towards winning a custody battle - because if you fail to convince the judge that the order has been requested on false grounds, you're looking at almost immediate custody in your ex's favour, as well as higher maintenance payments. The order will also be filed on your criminal record, and will be accessible for viewing during background checks (e.g. when you attend your next job interview!). It also withdraws your Second Amendment right to owning or using a firearm, which may affect your current employment.

You NEED to get a good lawyer, and/or start educating yourself on how to defend your rights!

As well as fighting the restraining order, you also have the option to file a visitation petition to the court. If the restraining order hasn't named your children as victims of the alleged violence or harassment, despite not being allowed to contact your ex, you are still entitled to see your children. This is a very important aspect to winning the custody battle, because you can emphasise to the court that your ex is withholding your right to see the kids despite only her being named as a victim of abuse.

When you file the visitation petition for regular access to your children, ensure that you focus on two very important areas for discussion:

1. the benefits that your kids gain from seeing you (emotional stability, love and affection, practical help with homework, a male guardian's influence)

2. the negative impact of your children being denied access to you (emotional stress, and so on)

Whether you decide to file for visitation rights is up to you - but one thing is for sure - you need to be fighting the restraining order against you with everything you've got, because it will affect your life (and the lives of your children) for many years to come.