A former associate recently emailed and requested a reference letter.

Let me preface by saying, I like helping former coworkers, they are the best source for job and sales leads. Plus it is just nice to help out friends and coworkers - call it good karma.

Here is how his request for a reference letter went:

Hi,

Hope you are good. Say, I am trying to get a new job at ABC and need a reference letter. Would you be so kind to put something together for me? You know, that I worked for you and what sort of job I did. It would be a big help.

Thanks,

I did not respond to this request for a reference letter and do not plan to.

Why? Because I am a jerk? Hardly.

Let's ask a few question.

Former co-worker, how long has it been since we worked together? Spoke last? Seen each other?

What have you been doing since? Been in prison? Run a Ponzi scheme? Been fired numerous times?

How good of a job did you really do when we last worked together? Be honest. Do you feel confident in your past work to request a reference to me?

Rather than criticize, here is a better way to get a reference letter from a former employer.

First, pick a former coworker you actually knew - not the supervisor listed on an organization chart you saw once.

Next, phone them. Letters and email are nice, but voice time is better. Ask for an appointment. Better yet, ask them to lunch.

When you speak with your contact, both on the phone and in person, ask them how they are doing. Ask if they recall working together.

Tell them truthfully what you want from them - "Bob, thank you for your time. I am back out looking at a new position and could really use your help. Do you think I could include you as a reference for my next position?".

(Notice - you are not asking for a reference letter, just a reference!).

Next, tell your contact exactly what you have been doing since you both last worked together. Where you have worked, what you have done - tie in how important your experience the gained while working together was to what you have done.

If your contact agrees to write you a reference letter, ask as nicely as possible for an expected date to receive the letter. "Say Bob, I know you are busy. I would not expect that letter until next Tuesday or Wednesday if that helps" is a good way to state your thoughts.

Once you receive the reference letter, "THANK YOUR CONTACT" - most people never do this. They are too busy trying to get a job to remember a simple thank you.

Finally, offer to return the favor to your contact is any way possible. Whether it be through a reference, sales opportunity, or job opening.

Remember, your former boss, co-workers or customers have no obligation to provide reference letters. Also, email may be acceptable for many forms of business correspondence, it is not nearly as effective as in person forms of contact.