Stress. Depression. Anxiety. They’re powerful words that

conjure up all kinds of images and prejudices in our minds.

People who suffer from these illnesses find it hard to cope

with life. They can feel deeply unhappy, they can find no

joy in anything life has to offer, and of course, their

levels of self-esteem, confidence and self-respect plummet.

But how can this happen to someone?

Let’s concentrate on how these illnesses affect the way we

value the self. Of all of the destructive patterns of

behavior these illnesses cause, the way a sufferer talks to

the self is the fuel that maintains their illness.

I have experienced depression from two sides. For 5 years,

a series of traumatic events triggered a personal nightmare

I believed would never end. One of these events came when

my lover was diagnosed with depression. At this time, I too

had entered into the spiral of anxiety-induced depression.

Both of these experiences have given me an insight into how

sufferers destroy any value of the self.

Let me give a couple of examples. With my partner, if I’d

arranged an evening out with friends, she’d say:

“No, I won’t come, you go without me. I never have anything

interesting to say. I just bore people. They’ll find me an

effort to be with. I’ll stay here.”

If I made a mistake, I’d say to myself:

“I’m useless. I’m no good at anything. Everything I do I

get wrong.”

This self-deprecation then spreads into other areas of

life. You begin to criticize the way you look, the

decisions you make or don’t make, and you focus solely on

the downside of life. Each time a little bit of self-worth,

a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of

self-confidence are eroded. Eventually, they are lost

completely. When I reached my lowest point, having lost

everything and everyone I loved, I’d say to myself:

“If I died tomorrow, no one would know and no one would

care.”

So, what helped me to come out of the fog?

Well, the reason I thought I’d become depressed was because

of a series of traumatic events occurring at the same time.

I was wrong. The root cause of my depression lay in the

ways I reacted to them. One of the ways I’d reacted was to

blame myself for events I couldn’t control. The more I

blamed myself, the more I beat myself up. The more I beat

myself up, the more my self-esteem decreased.

The phrases I have used to briefly illustrate

self-deprecating phrases we continually use against the

self are mild. I’m sure you realize that many people use

much stronger phrases than I’ve given here. The point is

that these phrases would be totally unacceptable to say to

others. You wouldn’t tell a person that they were boring,

an effort to be with and that everyone found their company

dull and it would be better for everyone else if they kept

away from people.

Agreed?

Yet, if I say to people:

“Pay yourself compliments. Accentuate your good in all

areas of your life. Write down your good points, your

triumphs, your achievements. Remind yourself as often as

possible about all the good you have done.”

They look at me like I’m an alien and say they’d feel

stupid. Or uncomfortable. Or even embarrassed.

Yet they don’t feel any of these emotions when they talk to

themselves using emotionally charged, self-deprecating

phrases! And like rust upon metal, these phrases gradually

erode our self-esteem and our confidence.

OK, here’s the bottom-line. I’d like you to inscribe what

you are about to read into your mind over and over again

until it is permanently etched there:

It is NEVER acceptable to talk to myself in a way I know is

inappropriate and even offensive if I spoke in the same way

to others.

Time for me to sign off, but before I do, here’s a phrase I

say to myself every single day without fail. Please use it,

it is very powerful:

“If you put yourself down, down is where you will stay.”