In England, divorce is granted in cases of the irretrievable breakdown of marriage. In order to prove irretrievable breakdown, you will need to present evidence of one of the following five grounds for divorce:

• Adultery

• Unreasonable behaviour

• Desertion

• Two years' separation with consent

• Five years' separation without consent

Since divorce based on the last three grounds takes much longer, most petitions cite unreasonable behaviour or adultery. The easiest way is to cite instances of unreasonable behaviour, especially since the law is so vague about exactly what this denotes. This is because the courts believe that there are good reasons not to delay a divorce when even one of the parties considers the marriage irretrievably damaged. After all, it takes two hands to clap.

Divorce should be a private matter, and if your husband decides not to contest it, the details of his unreasonable behaviour will not be revealed to the general public in the court room. Once he understands that his not contesting the divorce will not affect financial arrangements or matters concerning the children, he will probably be willing to go along with it since a contested divorce takes its toll on time, money and emotion.

What’s more, the ‘respondent’ (your husband) will find it difficult to obtain legal aid to defend the divorce, because the court is convinced that you, the petitioner, have good reasons to want it in the first place. A solicitor will suggest a contested divorce only if there is some clear advantage to be gained by his client, and such cases are rare.

It’s really a question of who petitions first.

You can try and make yours an amicable divorce by refraining from mentioning serious issues in the petition. Details of your husband’s unreasonable behaviour, such as habitual drunkenness or violence are likely to make him aggressive and defensive. All you need to do is to cite just a few instances of his unreasonable behaviour in a couple of paragraphs.

If there are no objections to your petition, the divorce proceedings will continue and neither of you will normally be required to attend court.

If you are still living together, it is important to present your divorce petition within six months from the last occurrence of unreasonable behaviour.

Go through the steps below to get some idea of how long your divorce could take to come through.

1. Once you have lodged your divorce petition as well as clarified what the arrangements for your children will be in the form called ‘Statement of Arrangements for Children’, the court will post a copy of your petition, along with an ‘Acknowledgement of Service’ to your husband.

2. If your husband resides in the UK, he will be required to return the ‘Acknowledgement of Service’ to the court in seven days. It will indicate the receipt of the petition and specify whether he intends to contest or not.

3. The court, after receiving this acknowledgement, will send a copy to you or to your solicitor. You will then have to file an affidavit with the court to confirm that the details in your petition are correct and your husband’s signature on the acknowledgement is genuine. At this point you will also request for the proceedings to begin.

4. The District Judge will consider all the paperwork involved and if he thinks everything is in place, he will send you a copy of a certificate that will give you a date for the decree nisi. Neither you nor your husband will be required to attend the pronouncing of the decree nisi.

5. Six weeks after the decree nisi, you can pay the necessary fee and apply for a decree absolute. Once the court receives your request, it will usually grant the decree absolute in a few days and will send you and your husband (or your solicitors) copies of the decree.

6. In case you fail to apply for the decree absolute within four and a half months of your receipt of the decree nisi, your husband can do so, but only after this period of time has elapsed.

7. However, if you choose judicial separation instead of divorce, there is only one decree to be pronounced – which is the decree of judicial separation. Therefore, a judicial separation takes a shorter time.

This entire procedure may take about three to four months, provided your husband and the court respond promptly. Add another month if your husband lives overseas because, then he has 30 days instead of 7 to return the ‘Acknowledgement of Service’.