Ever wondered what it'd be like to get back with your ex? The thought of it crosses everyone's mind at least once. But if you're absolutely certain they are the one you're destined to be with, then you can learn effective ways to get back with your ex without screwing things up and looking desperate.

Step 1:

Since everyone thinks about getting back with their exes, chances are your ex either has, is or will be thinking about it too. That's half the battle but the rest is up to you. The first step is to look back at how the relationship really was by asking simple questions like:

• What were the commonalities and differences between you two?

• Who was the underdog and who was more dominant?

• Did you both believe in the same values?

• What were the things you both admired and despised about each other?

• Were you both following the same paths in life or completely different ones?

These questions may bring back some negative feelings but that's fine. The reason for doing this is to get to the core of why you two ultimately broke up. Truth is, if you two were to get back together right now, chances are history will repeat itself – no doubt. Who wants to go through that again? It's why many couples are always "on-and-off-again". Remember, if you write a lot of negative points, make sure you have just as many positive things too. I suggest writing on a sheet of paper. Write as much as you like – the more you put in, the more you get out. This will help give you the best chance to get back with your ex – but this time, it's for the better.

Step 2:

Next, let's look at all the answers you label as "negative". Naturally, we see these things as obstacles and possibly the causes of the break up. Now, write down 5–10 good things that have come out of each negative answer. Don't think it's impossible, because it really isn't. Here's one case from my own personal experience – the good things that have come out of my ex cheating on me include:

• I've become more independent, driven and successful in my career.

• I appreciate and spend more time with my family and friends, whom I'd neglected in the past.

• I now have time to pursue hobbies and interests.

Well I didn't get back with this ex but I learnt that something positive always and truly comes out of something negative. So there's no reason not to come up with 5-10 positive things. Trust me, you'll learn to appreciate yourself and your ex more than you did when you were together. So for instance, if you disliked something about them before, it won't bother you anymore as you'll find that it actually benefited you in some way. I'm certain some emotional baggage will disappear, thus making you look more attractive to your ex. Now does it feel more likely that you can get back with your ex and make it work?

Step 3:

Now what do you do with the answers you consider as "positive"? Simple, write down 5–10 negative things about each positive answer. Why would you need to do this? Let's look at it this way – is it true there were times where something you thought was "great" for the relationship, actually had a negative effect from your ex's point of view? Many people tend to be oblivious to what their partner is actually feeling (often unintentionally). This exercise is intended to make you aware of that. Here's another example of a past relationship where I use to think that seeing each other everyday would make us become closer. Here were some negative things it caused:

• I became clingy and needy, which ironically made them want to get away from me.

• They didn't have time to themselves and neither did I.

• The more we saw each other everyday, the less special it felt.

I'm not saying don't do good things for your partner because it may backfire. No, that would be like walking on egg shells everyday. Instead, continue doing things with good intentions while also truly considering the other person's feelings. We're not always going to get it right the first time round but we can with persistence. Relationships aren't easy but they can be great once you're both on the same page. When you eventually get back with your ex, you'll be able to do so with good intentions and the right tools.

Now you've gone through the process, how do you feel? It's an eye opener isn't it? At this point, you should be feeling some inner peace. Any resentment towards your ex should be mostly gone. The important thing here is personal growth and your ex will definitely see that through your new attitude, vibe and body language. It's up to you to take it further – whether by getting in touch again or catching up, don't forget to let them know you appreciate them. I suggest visiting the site in my author bio for more help. I'm sure many great things will happen for you. Sooner or later, you'll be able to get back with your ex.