If you are in the process of ending a relationship involving children, and your relationship with your ex is heated, you may have thought about pursuing sole custody so that you would be completely responsible for the kids without having to involve your ex. Prior to deciding to pursue total custody, stop and think about the emotional and financial costs that a custody battle would entail.

Sole custody comes in two flavors. Sole physical custody gives one parent full residence of the child and usually visitation with the other parent. Sole legal custody grants one parent authority to make all decisions on behalf of the child.

Courts favor a form of custody known as joint legal custody. This means that both parents are able to jointly make decisions on behalf of the child. The other type of joint custody is joint physical custody which involves the child living half of the time with one parent and half of the time with the other parent. The main reason why courts usually award joint legal custody is due to the presumption that both parents should be involved in the child's life. Noncustodial parents who get to parent their children tend to remain more involved that those that do not have joint legal custody.

Before a court will grant sole custody, there needs to be evidence that the other parent is unfit. Usually the noncustodial parent is granted visitation, and there are requirements for the other parent to provide information on the child's life such as education, medical and religious concerns. Unless the other parent does not want to remain involved with the child, it is quite hard to convince a court to not allow a parent to see his or her child, even if there has been documented abuse to the child. A parent who is found to be unfit may be granted supervised visitation and given a court order to attend a treatment program with the eventual goal of increasing visitation and parental participation if the parent complies with the court's orders.

No custody case is ironclad. The court will base the custody decision on the best interests of the children. Unfortunately, the judge may not see the situation as you do.

Sole custody is more likely to be granted in specific situations. If a parent has abused the child, the other parent may receive sole custody. False abuse accusations have become more prevalent, so credible evidence of abuse will have to be provided. In fact, judges some judges have given full custody to the abuser in the belief that the other parent was making false statements to try to win custody.

If your ex is serving a jail term, especially if it's a long sentence, you may be able to win sole custody. Substance abuse or mental illness may also be viewed as just cause to grant custody to the other parent.

Domestic violence can sometimes cause the court to grant custody to the abused parent. But, judges may not consider a history of violence to be reason to deny legal custody if the children were not affected by the violence.

If your ex does not see the children, you may have a chance to get sole custody. But, many exes suddenly decide they want to be involved when they receive court papers, which will more than likely result in joint legal custody.

Before filing for sole custody, think about the costs involved. From a financial perspective, your outlay could easily run into the tens of thousands. A long court fight is extremely stressful and could result in negative health effects for you. Your ex may use the children as weapons to get back at you which can cause emotional damage your kids. You may become the victim of violence from the ex or someone acting on his or her behalf. Some exes will even kidnap the children.

Even if you share joint legal custody with your ex, you may be able to get some protection from a violent or vindicative ex. Decision making authority could be split be areas such as one parent being responsible for school decision and the other parent being in charge of medical concerns. There are professionals called parenting coordinators that serve as the go between so that warring parents don't have to necessarily communicate with each other.

Think carefully before making a decision to file for sole custody. Unless you are in one of the situations described above where you have a good chance at winning full custody, the time and expense of a custody battle probably won't be worth it to you.