Divorce is one of the most painful chapters in anybody’s life, in some cases it is the worst phase of their time on earth. The changes that happen are so all encompassing, that some people are never able to recover from it. One needs to brace oneself before the divorce breaks overhead like a storm, and then after the rubble is left behind and one has to rebuild from it.

Before Divorce

There are some divorces that come as a bolt from the blue, but in most cases, one has prior knowledge. It has been noticed that many couples and their children are worst affected before and during the divorce procedure rather than after it. We will be discussing the effect only on adults here. The stress and tension of a legal procedure wherein one has to publicly end the most private relation, and give a valid reason for it, can affect health conditions terribly. Fluctuating blood pressure levels, hypertension, eating and sleeping disorders, tendencies towards addiction and drinking – these are some of the symptoms that are seen in varying degrees among almost all couples undergoing a divorce. Mentally, mood swings, anxiety, guilt, anger, depression, tendency to withdraw from normal daily activities are some of the common traits noticed in couples approaching divorce.

Remedies

How do you combat the situation you are in? Below are some points that may be helpful.

• You know that the divorce will happen. Steel yourself for it. There is no point in trying to play the escapist. You have to face the inevitable, and accept it.

• Look up on divorce laws and other related matters on the net. No one should be able to take advantage of you and give you a raw deal because you were too heartbroken to notice it.

• Make arrangements for the division of your property and finances. A lot of people later complain that they are dissatisfied with the way their assets have been divided and the division granted by the court. At that time they were too grieved to notice all the details of the paperwork happening around them. This is not a valid excuse. You have to be involved in every detail, because it is your future that depends on the proceedings.

• If you have children, work out how you are going to tackle the matter. Their studies should not be neglected because of the break up. Try to be patient and loving towards them, and assure them that both of you love them, even if one of you will not be around now. They should not feel that it is their fault.

• Concentrate on work while doing it. The usual backlash of divorce falls on career, and you don’t want that to happen to you.

• Take care of yourself. If you want to survive, you have to continue with healthy habits.

• If you are planning to move, work out every detail about it. It is not just about the new house and new job, you have to find out the nearest departmental store, entertainment area, hospital, availability of doctor, your neighbours etc. If you have children, the plans will be much more elaborate. You need to find out about the nearest school, day care centre, play area and all the details needed to set up a new life. If you delay on this, your grief will cost you heavily in the future.

After Divorce

The period after the divorce is when the physical toll can be particularly bad. Most people tend to become lethargic, depressed, and sink into an existence where they live in the past. This cannot go on for too long. When they do snap out of it, they suddenly find themselves as lonely and shunned figures. To prevent this from the beginning, you have to be cautious.

Remedies

You are the best judge of your situation. Here are some points to help you:

• Physical activities have always helped people tide over difficult times. Take to jogging, work outs, yoga, go to the gym, swim, and go for walks.

• Keep your food habits regular, and sleep a regular number of hours everyday.

• Go out. Whether it is for a fishing trip down the lane, or a weekend tour or a trip to Europe, travel helps.

• Make friends. You may even want to start dating again.

• Take up hobbies you did not have the time for.

• If you really can’t get over it, don’t hesitate to go to a counsellor. A professional may help you get over all those problems that well meaning friends cannot solve.