There’s nothing more upsetting than finding out that your spouse if cheating on you. You feel upset and saddened, angry and confused. But above all, many people feel like they were deceived and that they could have done something to save their relationship if they had realized what was going on. Here are twelve things that you can be on the lookout for.

#1 Change in schedule

Of course, everyone’s schedule changes from time to time, but if your spouse’s schedule changes dramatically for no reason at all – aside from ‘needing to work longer hours’ – you might want to be a little suspicious. It can mean that they are going more than just work when they’re not with you.

#2 Change in grooming habits

Many spouses would brush off the fact that they spouse changes the way that they groom themselves for the idea that they just wanted to look better for their partner. However, when your spouse radically changes the way that he or she smells, shaves, etc., you might be seeing a sign of their trying to impress someone else.

#3 Change in exercise habits

A spouse that suddenly takes up a rigorous exercise program isn’t necessarily having an affair, but it can be a sign that they are trying to impress someone – especially when they haven’t talked to you about their plans previously. They might be going to the gym a lot more often or starting to workout out alone at home for longer periods than before.

4 Change in eating habits

If your spouse is suddenly eating things that they hadn’t before, this might be a sign that they are seeing someone else with these eating habits. When combined with a more rigorous exercise program, the person might be trying to slim down or tone up for a more sexy body for their lover.

#5 Change in sleeping habits

A person who is lying tends to not be able to sleep as well as they had before. While you might be able to explain this off with stress as well, combined with other signs of an affair, the restlessness of your partner might be the sign of a guilty conscience.

#6 Over-appreciation for you

A partner that suddenly thanks you for everything or starts to bring you gifts and other tokens of affection – when they haven’t done so in the past – can be the sign of a guilty conscience trying to relieve itself. What makes this different than a loving spouse is the focus that makes a cheating spouse feel better rather than showing love for the recipient.

#7 Change in sex life

You might find that your sex life changes dramatically when your spouse is cheating. They might be trying new things in bed suddenly or have no interest in having sex at all. In either case, changes in the bedroom can mean that there have been changes in your relationship that you will want to address.

#8 Increased cleanliness

While a change in grooming habits is one thing, the need to be clean all of the time might be a sign that your partner is having an affair. It’s two pronged: one, the cleaning can help to cleanse the guilt from the person in a figurative sense, while two, the showering can help to clean away any proof of the affair.

#9 Late night phone calls

Any phone calls that your spouse might take in the middle of the night or at strange times of the day can be an indication that they are hiding a relationship from you. If asked, the spouse should be able to give you a clear reason for the calls – though most jobs and most people aren’t going to call in the middle of the night unless it’s a dire emergency.

#10 More seclusion time

When your spouse begins to pull away from you and spend more time on the computer or in another part of the house, you might be seeing the signs of an affair. They might be chatting to their lover on the Internet or just trying to remove themselves from your guilt-ridden presence.

#11 Unexplained purchases

There are some spouses that will not cover their tracks as well and may leave gifts they received around the house, or receipts for gifts that they bought for their lover around the house. These can both be indications of an affair when your spouse is not willing to explain them to your satisfaction.

#12 Last minute trips

Few jobs will have your spouse suddenly take last minute trips away from home. When you start to see this happening and you’re not given a good reason for the change in the job description, you might be facing an affair.