Most of us enjoy fulfilling love from different relationships all through our lives. However, no love can be comparable to marital love that adults are entitled to. This love is unique for it is a homogenous blend of respect, admiration, acceptance, friendship, trust, faith and the need to feel special. Such an atmosphere of love and desire is conducive to a healthy and fulfilling married life.

If either of these is absent from a marriage, the couple should work at fulfilling that particular deficiency.

Lack of Respect

Respect for the marital spouse is the foundation stone for a strong marriage. Lack of it is signified by both, verbal and non verbal communication. Even a simple gesture like an upward eye roll indicates non acceptance and respect denial, lack of caring and aggressive behaviour. This simultaneously induces defensive and negative behaviour from the spouse which in turn aggravates hostility.

A more serious breach of respect is the verbal onslaught and physical and emotional abuse by the marital mate.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse comprises shoving, slapping, punching, kicking or strangulation. Physical abuse should never be tolerated. The partner might use such acts of intimidation for controlling the spouse or resorting to such behaviour pattern might have been a habit learnt from childhood. Whatever may be the inducing reasons, such negative behaviour jeopardise safety of all the other family members.

Emotional Abuse

Verbal abuse is more serious than physical abuse and people often tend to ignore it for the mere lack of physical symptoms and the fear of not being taken seriously. But, it is much more serious than physical abuse for it leaves an injury on the soul of a person. The abused, loses self respect, courage, self confidence, rational thinking and lives life in self doubt.

Like the eye roll, the very first act must be met with defiance. The partner must be indicated the non acceptance of such behaviour. It should be put an end to before it becomes strong enough to destroy the marriage. If the spouse fails to end aggressive behaviour, needless to say the marriage has to be terminated.

Lack of Trust

Adultery is common and more than 30% of men and 25% of women have indulged in adultery at least once in the span of their marital life. And 65% of adultery episodes terminated marital life. Adultery, as is commonly believed does not occur just for sexual fulfilment. Men have the inherent desire to be loved, respected, admired and have peace at home. These propel a man towards higher achievements. And women desire to be sincerely loved, and love financial and familial commitment from their men. The desire to feel protected is a primeval instinct inherent in every woman.

Non fulfilment of either need drives people toward adultery. The erring spouse soon loses the trust of the aggrieved partner. Both adultery and lack of trust can be easily dispelled before they damage the relationship between spouses. Counselling is a must to help partners get rid of such tendencies. Once either spouse realises what is lacking in a relationship, fulfilling that inadequacy is not difficult. Yet, if each chooses to ignore the needs of the other, then divorce might be the only solution.

Enforcement of Sexual Desire

Trust and respect lead to sensual desire and marriages survive on healthy sex. Absence of it spells marital failure. Sexual abuse not only includes forced sex but also withholding sex as a form of punishment. Any type of abuse, physical, psychological and sexual should not be tolerated.

Counselling is the right answer for such problems. But, if the partner refuses to meet the therapist then individual attempts at making the marriage work can be tried. But, when individual attempts fail then divorce could only be the answer.

People often fail to identify emotional and sexual abuse, and this leads to their toleration for long. Because of lack of physical coercion, they fail to identify the use of brute emotional force. Abuse when taken to the extremes should be immediately dispelled other wise it might destroy life.