A marriage falling apart can be extremely painful. There are times when one of the spouses does not want a divorce and keeps waiting for the other spouse to feel the same way. This can be extremely painful for the spouse who wants the marriage to work. Even when two people collectively decide to divorce each other, divorce can still be very painful because a divorce signifies a failed marriage. Feelings of anxiety, frustration, fear, and bitterness creep in. In fact, bitterness amongst the couples increases so much at times that courtroom becomes nothing short of a battlefield. Sadly, no one stands to gain from this battle except the lawyers who gain extra fee with each court proceeding. It is surprising to observe that two people, who were so much in love at the time of marriage, transform into worst enemies in the court. When one spouse does not want the divorce, a feeling of helplessness consumes the mind and revenge seems to be the only way out. This feeling of bitterness makes people act in strange ways. Bitterness tends to blind our judgement and it becomes very hard to distinguish between right and wrong. Acrimonious feelings tend to give rise to vengeance and this only makes the situation worse. When people experience such feelings, they tend to fight and make an issue out of every little thing in the marriage during the settlement period. You would want to take anything and everything that is dear to your partner to get back at him or her, be it the house, children, or even the dog. It is important to remember that when it takes two people to make a marriage, it will take two people to break it. Clinging on to your marriage and resorting to such measures will only make the situation get far worse than it actually is. If you have children, bear in mind that you will be coming across your ex-spouse many times during birthdays, holidays, or normal visits allowed by the court. Incidents that exhibit negative behaviour will have a serious impact on your child. Often children get caught up in the middle of the revengeful drama and do not know how to react to it. You need to try to understand the situation from a child’s perspective. Parents are supposed to be an integral part of a child’s world. A home is supposed to be their shelter from the outside world. When the same home that used to be their shelter becomes a combat zone and their parents turn into each other’s enemy, they become confused and scared. This can have disastrous effects on their psychological well-being. Children have very impressionable minds and tend to think of their parents as their role models. When they see you acting revengeful and bitter, they tend to think that this is an acceptable form of behaviour and might try to inculcate the same behaviour. Whereas if you practise forgiveness and maintain amicable behaviour, they will not only cope much easily with the divorce but will also practise similar behaviour in comparable situations. Divorce can never be easy on people but it does not have to be that bitter either. We will look at some steps that you can take to make your divorce an amicable one.

Steps towards an Amicable Divorce

• Accept the marriage breakdown as well as your role in it. Often people get so absorbed in finding faults with their partner and blaming the other partner for divorce that they forget that they might also have contributed towards it, in whatever little way. Blame-game behaviour will only end up making you even bitterer because that way you will end up feeling even more helpless.

• It is important that you engage in calm and productive communication. People tend to hire expensive attorneys who can act on their behalf to seek revenge. This revengeful behaviour makes it harder for people to reach settlements about their children, finances, and property. Consequently, it increases the number of court proceedings as well as out-of-court meetings. While you may think that you are being successful in your revenge game, all you are actually doing is paying your lawyer for no fruitful work at all. On the contrary, if you discuss your divorce without blaming each other, you will be able to focus on important issues and negotiate them with your partner in a better manner.

• You can opt for divorce mediation in such circumstances because divorce mediation allows you to focus on your emotional issues as well as address your financial and child-custody issues. Divorce is a painful transition and an experienced mediator can help you reach a peaceful decision while maintaining respectful channels of communication.