In 2000, 8% of divorces took place due to emotional abuse. In 2003, the number had increased to 17%. Emotional abuse is widespread but ambiguous. Couples still have no idea whether they are being emotionally abused or not. This makes identification of emotional abuse in marital relationships very difficult. Usually, emotional abuse is confused with ‘protective love and controlling behaviour.’ A spouse may claim that her partner controls all her moves, her finances restricting even her basic freedoms of speech and travel. But she may put down this controlling behaviour as a form of love – he wants to take care of me. Thus, emotional abuse is rampant at every level of a marital relationship but often goes unnoticed.

Emotional abuse cannot be defined in concise language. Social psychologists argue that emotional abuse is a form of invisible domestic violence which cannot be seen like physical abuse. It is a more potent form of abuse attacking the very psyche of the individual leading him or her to question his level of sanity. Emotional abuse can be fundamentally categorised into two levels of minor and major emotional abuse. Social, Gestalt and developmental psychologists state that minor emotional abuse is temporary in nature and ought to be treated through various neurological drugs and professional behavioural counselling. They further argue that minor emotional abuse can be understood as irritable and eccentric behaviour which usually causes slight disturbance in normal life schedule. This first stage of emotional abuse is not dangerous and usually develops in childhood. A spouse facing minor emotional abuse has to talk with her partner and visit a professional therapist to reduce and eradicate the emotional abusive behaviour. This becomes paramount when children enter the marital picture. When facing minor emotional abuse, the answer does not lie in walking out and not dealing with it. Minor emotional abuse is a slight deviation from normal behaviour. It is the duty and responsibility of the spouse to identify minor emotional abuse and seek professional help for the partner as well as for herself and the children. Professional counselling dictates that an important aspect of the treatment of minor emotional abuse is the behaviour reciprocated by the abused. The victim or abused should not display anger or fear. This merely reinforces the emotional abusive behaviour. In short, the treatment is aimed at the entire family – the abuser, the abused spouse and the abused kids. The first step lies in the identification of minor abusive behaviour:

• Shouting/ screaming

• Throwing tantrums in public

• Insulting spouse and family in front of other people

• Locking spouse and kids in house restricting their movement

• Forcing spouse to have sex

If untreated, there is every chance of minor emotional abuse becoming major in nature. Social psychologists claim that when an abuser starts to display major abusive behaviour towards spouse and kids, there is no chance of professional help. Such abusers are not fit to live in society maintaining normal societal relationships. In fact, they pose a danger to others in society. Major abusive behaviour was described as a psychological chronic disorder by Gestalt psychologists in the 1970s. These psychologists state that major emotional abuse thrives on attributes of sadism and controlling syndromes. Abusers feel and believe that the world is not normal – it is skewed and their abusive behaviour and action will set the world right. In otter words, the perception of the abuser is skewed. The abuser indulges in major emotional abuse thinking that it is expected of him or her. Major emotional abuse can be identified by:

• Sexual abuse

• Restricting freedom of movement and speech

• Controlling the finances and not allowing the abused to even meet the other family members

• Domestic violence leading to physical abuse of pushing, beating, mutilation of private parts

Emotional abuse is far more corrosive and far-reaching in nature than physical abuse. Physical abuse harms only the physical aspect of the individual and is treatable – with time, signs of physical abuse fade. But this does not happen with emotional abuse. Emotional abuse strikes the nerve and pulse of an individual’s behaviour stripping away his or her self-esteem. Emotional abuse harms the mind and perception – it makes the abused believe that they are truly useless and worthless, incapable of doing any activity. Emotional abuse makes the abuser question his or her sanity making them believe that they are to blame for the abuse. In fact, according to social psychologists, it is not uncommon to find emotionally abused victims in mental institutions suffering from deep psychotic disorders.

At the first sign of such behaviour, it is advisable to remove yourself and your kids from the situation. Emotional abuse not only has short-term effects but also has long-term effects. Usually, victims of emotional abuse are unable to enjoy a normal family and professional work life. No amount of therapy can erase the feeling of fear and blame from the mind of the victim. They are more prone to suicides and are usually victims of social aggressive behaviour.